I learned something about myself this morning. Actually, I already knew this, but seeing my former self in another person was like a slap in the face and just one more reason to be so grateful for the journey to a better life and leaving the past behind.
As this person lamented in a “woe is me, I hate myself, everything is my fault” email, I began to see slight similarities to previous Rhonda.
I can’t do anything right. I mess everything up. Hint hint. Don’t you feel so sorry for me I need you to feel sorry for me where are the booster encouraging words that will carry me through my weakness sadness depression self sabotage judgment?
My son-in-law told me once that I had a martyr complex, and of course, I was offended.
Martyr Complex Symptoms
Oh my goodness, this was me.
So, I am very, very grateful today that I’m sinking in Grace Ocean.
I am very, very grateful today that God did not give up on me, when many in previous Rhonda’s life did.
I am very, very grateful today that most of the time Morticia Martyr is buried and gone and I have learned to own myself and independently function with God’s help.
I am very, very grateful today that my counselor and Sam and my parents and brother and sister and Aunt Patsy and Aunt Estalene and a few other family members and Michelle and Jeanine and Linda and Ginny and Deb put up with the broken and helped glue it all back into one piece with lots of love and prayer and wise words and patience and an occasional kick…
And I am grateful for this life – sometimes messy, busy, lonely, crazy, and painful…but still a beautiful bliss.