Some days are just…
Gray in sky, gray in clothing, gray in washed walls, or gray in outlook. This morning, my day was a sunrise pink, promising to be a tired but satisfying sort of day. I woke up grateful. I drove to work grateful. I welcomed the yawns, evidence of a productive yesterday. But I also welcomed the new day, the renewal of work, the pink sunrise that said, “Good morning, Rhonda. Here is His gift.”
I was reflective and counting blessings as the morning chugged along. I was misty-eyed and sentimental, as I sometimes get in my middle-aged emotions.
Those middle-aged emotions. I’ve had them all my life, actually.
Wouldn’t you know it, in the middle of it all today, the pink faded. All it took was one little thing to cloud over the outlook.
I HATE when that happens.
One word spoken.
Or one glance.
Or a feeling of outcast.
Maybe a simple misunderstanding.
Most often, one overreaction.
fade to gray.
GAHHH. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let the actions and the lives of others affect my color? Why can I not just be oblivious to the concrete-colored blanket of cloud and appreciate the panorama of pink rays that peek over the horizon?
As a result, I beat myself up. I must have done or said something wrong. I am unworthy and not good enough. I will forever pay the price. It will never get better.
Two steps forward. One step back.
But, at the coffee pot in the kitchen this morning, Bob Goff said, “I used to think following God required complicated formulas. I thought I needed a big stack of books, so I could figure out exactly where I was all the time. I thought if I constantly measured the distance between me and God, I’d get closer to Him. What I realized, though, is that all I really needed to know when it came down to it was the direction I was pointing and that I was somewhere inside the large circle of God’s love and forgiveness.”
This is a new concept for the one who thought she had it right, all her years of spiritual righteousness.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
– Psalm 139:23 NLT
So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it.
Pursue the things over which Christ presides.
Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you.
Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is.
See things from HIS perspective.
– Colossians 3:1-2 The Message
Better to be patient than a warrior, and better to have self-control than to capture a city.
– Proverbs 16:32 CEB
Therefore (because I refuse to use the word “so” after my rant yesterday)…
I begin again. I will attempt to smile through hurt feelings and be gracious instead of graycious.
I will be grateful for the blessings I HAVE been given instead of being grayteful while looking across the fence at what I wish I had.
I will gravitate towards the sunrises and sunsets instead of grayvitating under the cloud.
And I will grade myself with a pencil and eraser instead of grayding myself with a Sharpie, because I am moving in the right direction and I am somewhere inside that large circle of God’s love and forgiveness. And for THAT, I am grateful.